AKA WHY FRIENDS BECOME DOUCHEBAGS (AND 10 THINGS TO DO ABOUT IT)
The following is an actual conversation I just had with a client. Quoted almost ad verbatim.
“Hey Don, can I talk to you please?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“It’s just that I feel really down today and I just needed to talk to someone I can trust.”
“Of course. Hey, we all have our bad days you know. What happened?”
“Ok so this morning, I was feeling really good about myself and the progress I am making. Things are going really well and I am in a completely different place than I was 5 weeks ago. We are not only hitting our goals, we are pulverizing them. In fact, just this morning, I fit into a dress size I was 4 years ago.”
“Now that’s pretty fucking awesome! Well done.”
“Yes I know, that’s so cool. I was super happy about it. I was actually coming here to tell you about it. Then, I ran into some friends, and we went for a coffee and I was telling them about what I am doing.”
“And they just made me feel like shit. They told me I am getting obsessed, that I watch for everything I eat now, that I am becoming a health freak, that I am not fun to go out with anymore because I don’t get plastered like I used to. And it really made me feel bad – like I was with strangers, not with friends.”
Talk about emotional vampires. This is the perfect example.
I mean, these are her “friends”, right? They should have been all over her, congratulating her, and cheering her on.
Even better, joining her in what she was doing, so they could share the wealth.
Instead, they chose to knock her off her happy place and destroy her.
So why would they do that?
And no, this is not a unique case. Not by any means!
This thing actually happens with alarming frequency, every time you have someone with feelings of happiness and achievement.
In fact, I bet you anything it has happened to YOU too!
You have a dream. You decide to pursue it. You put in the work. You start getting ahead and making your way forward.
Then some well-meaning “friend” shows up with promises of roses and blossoms…and takes a major poopie – right on top of your beautiful, fledgling aspirations.
Effectively killing them dead.
Hands up high if YOU have been through this situation yourself.
Yeah, gonna have to raise my hand up high too…been there, got done over…and it sucked.
CAN’T JOIN THEM? BEAT THEM (TO DEATH)!
OK this is how it really works.
A lot of people refuse to achieve. They refuse to go out there and put the work in.
You see, they know it all, they’ve tried it all and they are really good at what they do.
However, the problem is that the Universe just doesn’t like them.
It’s not THEIR fault they are not successful – it’s that damn Obi-Wan Kenobe and his stupid Force.
It’s against them man. It’s out there to get them.
And that makes them bitter.
After a while, all that compounded bitterness makes them angry.
As hopping mad as a March hare full of Spring and not a doe in sight.
So they start to hate.
No, wait – make that Hate.
Now, those people who refuse to achieve Hate one thing and one thing most of all.
They Hate to see others triumph.
You see, they are reminded of their failures every time you have a success.
So you can bet your butt that they are going to do everything in their power to shoot you down.
They have to.
It’s the losers’ only way out of a situation they refuse to control.
Note I said they don’t WANT to control it.
They are completely in charge of making a difference in their lives – we all are – but they just don’t want to do it.
It’s just too much work.
So, the easiest choice is – demolish your hard work. Bring you down. Poison your hopes. Strangle your dreams.
So when you sink and drown – ah, then the sun shines again on their misery-infested holes.
And they can pretend to be OK again.
Well, that shit is, of course, not happening on my watch.
So here are some fast truths for those of you who have been a target (and those who might become one too).
I said fast. So, I’m just going to give you the straight and narrow – no frills, no spills, and no playing around.
These are exactly the same things I told my client. They may sound brutal at times, but these are…
10 TRUTHS TO LIVE BY
The opinion of sheep is beneath you. Forget about it. Sheep have just one opinion between all of them anyway – follow the butt in front of you. That’s a guarantee of an incredibly limited, short sighted life, with nothing to look forward to…oh, except a butt of course.
The opinions of a lion should not be shared with sheep. It’s a useless endeavour. Sheep don’t get lions. And they never will.
What you achieve in life is up to you. Stop pointing your damn finger. No one can hold you down without your permission. Go out there and get it done.
Surrounding yourself with losers will make you one. Surrounding yourself with winners will make you one too. So choose your friends carefully.
Don’t bother sharing your plans with losers. It’s an exercise in desperation. Kinda like pouring the notes of a beautiful symphony down the ear of a deaf man and hoping he will somehow be mesmerized by it.
This is YOUR voyage not theirs. It is YOUR path to greatness. Everyone is a pocket professor when it comes to other people’s business. Yes, even if they are obviously completely clueless and lost themselves (and they most often are). So please, don’t ask idiots for idiocies – they’ll swamp you with them and ogle while you float away.
Greatness doesn’t come easy. You need to fight for every inch of the way. Why are you making things harder on yourself by taking on dead weight? Would you ever drive your car with your handbrake engaged? Exactly – No (well unless you want to wreck the car). Then don’t drive your life like that either.
Listening to negative opinions will ultimately poison you and make you lose your way. First option – don’t ask for them. Second option – if you do get them, remove them out of your system as fast as you can.
OK, sometimes this negativity comes from your own family. They are human beings too, so they are just as prone as anyone else to the failings of the human weakness. The problem is you can’t simply turn around, and shrug family off. Agreed. BUT…you can get rid of their opinion and make a conscious decision of how much you let it affect you. Don’t let them live their life vicariously through you.
Yes, I left the best for last. You are NOT average. I don’t care what you have had rammed into your head. You’re as amazing as your dreams tell you that you are. The only thing stopping you from flying with your dreams is – YOU. So, do whatever you have to do to fly – and above all – BELIEVE you are worth it.
And there you have it. 10 knockout punches of truth. Not a complete list by any means, but certainly a place where you can start things off.
Take them to heart and use them to make a difference in your life.
You have worked far too hard to put yourself in harm’s way.
And you deserve all the success in the world.
And hell yeah, you have me in your corner, rooting for you.